Staying at home

Photo of Quinns and his Big Sister together on the sofa playing on the tablet Big Sister is holding.As everyone now comes to terms with being in lock down our family have been shielding for well over a week. Quinns’ respiratory issues make it too risky for him to be around others. My asthma means I too am classed as vulnerable and as his primary carer I can’t take any chances.

When Quinns was first diagnosed our world shrunk. There were barriers, both social and physical that closed in on us as many people and places became inaccessible to him. I’ve spent considerable time pushing back against those barriers trying to widen the scope for him (and others).

Now as the Covid-19 pandemic strikes that same thing has happened again.  Only this time it’s more extreme and everyone is in it together. You no longer have access to the people and places you had before and that is not easy.

While homeschooling Quinns & Big Sister last week I was finishing off an online course (I’ve given up attempting to do any work of my own!) about Inclusive Education. Now as the schools close and everyone stays home in exclusive bubbles, the entire situation is almost exactly the opposite of inclusion.

Our discussions about schooling for Quinns revolve around balancing his  learning with socialisation. We want Quinns to go to the same school as his friends because we rank peer relationships pretty highly. How many of our children are going to miss their friends because they are being home schooled and no longer able to participate in extracurricular activities?

I appreciate we all have considerable worries at the moment. We must pull together to get through it but during lock down I hope people will have a chance to reflect and learn from this experience what a lot of disabled people already know, the importance of access and socialisation.

We are very fortunate to be locked down in our ‘new’ house with amazing garden. It’s ideally set up for Quinns to access everything he needs including chats with family & friends online and of course he’s fully included in our little quartet. We plan to make the most of our time. Getting round to all the activities we never have time for normally all the while trying not to let the worry take over.

Stay at home and stay safe everyone.

Can you hear me?

I was recently on a course where speakers would present on various topics relating to inclusion. 

Pencil line illustration of a young boy shouting into a microphone.

At the start of one presentation a support person held the microphone to the speaker’s mouth. ‘Can you hear me?’ said the speaker. As we shook our heads the supporter adjusted the microphone. ‘Can you hear me?’ 

Again the answer was no and more adjustments made. ‘Can you hear me?’ This went on for several minutes until finally we could hear the speaker and I can assure you by the time the presentation began we were all listening. 

After that for the duration of the talk the supporter quietly held the microphone to the speakers mouth, only switching arms as required. His job simply to help amplify the speaker’s words.

Knowing how to support someone who is physically disabled can be really difficult. A really fine balance needs to be struck between supporting someone to do something and simply doing it for them. 

I recently helped Quinns make salt dough ornaments. They looked pretty good but my own experience working with dough and icing was obvious. I had taken over. I overstepped the mark of enabling and instead made them for him. I like to think that’s what any mother would do though… 

One evening we were sitting at the table. Quinns had his eye gaze computer in front of him. Big Sister was writing a letter. She finished and passed it to me. I read it to myself and told her how great it was before putting it down beside me. 

Quinns very slowly but carefully picked three words. ‘I. Want. See.’ 

Close up photo of the screen of Quinns' eye gaze computer showing the word and images for I want see in the speech box.

Of course, I had forgotten to show him the letter his sister had been working on. A great reminder that he’s so often passed over. We share things and show each other things all the time. His presence in the room isn’t enough to include him. He needs help to get in on the action either by someone moving him closer and / or helping him with the relevant piece of equipment but at the same time not overstepping the mark. 

Quinns will probably always need help. There are some amazing designs and technologies available that will enable him to do a whole lot but it’s really important that he also gets the right support person. The one who will quietly hold the microphone and allow Quinns’ voice to be heard.